Has anyone tried to kick it?

[supercooled]

Hi guys,

I tried really hard to find a neutral title that would get my intention across yet at the same time remain neutral and genteel as possible.

I have been down this road before and have obviously not succeeded otherwise I wouldn't be here. Firstly, I don't know how many here have contemplated this themselves and wether or not they have seek counselling. I for one, do not wish to pass judgement on anyone only to acknowledge that my own habits have really stunted my ability to have a relationship and this concerns me a great deal.

So in my attempt to gather information on where to start, I have noticed a lot of these former addicts have found their salvation in religion or they were religious to begin with and they finally found their answer through being a born again Christian. This is where the problem starts. I have never been religious nor do I have interest to be. I do not think it is the answer to my addiction but I'm beginning to think if it's possible to have one without the other.

I realize coming here and asking for this is like bringing a pork chop to a dog pound and be surprised to being mauled by the dogs but I have to believe that there has been others who walked this path and could share some experience in my quest for a more fulfilling life.

Please, I ask that you keep this respectful and courteous. I do not know where to turn to.

Thank you

 

[scarletsnow]

I've kicked my addiction to nicotine and refined sugars. What kind of addiction are you talking about? Pornography? Charming pictures of cute, pretty girls. Alcohol? Gambling?

 

[Ceewan]

Good question scarletsnow.

Twelve step recovery programs base their fundamentals on restoring the body physically, mentally and spiritually. Through fellowship they seek to help each other on this path and make it a way of everyday life. This is considered a life long commitment and while this seems daunting to many it offers a better life too those whose addictions left them helpless,powerless and devoid of choice. Addictions so strong that almost every moment of their lives was centered around it in one form or another. The concept of faith in a power greater than ourselves in twelve step programs is more vital than any particular religious following or leaning. Once one admits that he or she is helpless and powerless over an addiction themselves it is a fundamental belief that only a power greater than themselves can help them.

I am not saying this to support any religion, although I am in fact religious. I am merely trying to help answer the question about why many people seek religion as part of their recovery from severe addictions and why faith of some sort is important. I have been in a twelve step program and speak from experience. They helped me through a very dark and hopeless time in my life where every dawn was gray and the sunsets were lifeless and void of color. That is not to say they cured me of all my problems but I no longer suffer in the way I did before.

 

[Aqua2213]

Is there a Junior Idols Anonymous?:shiver:

Seems I spent the first half of my life getting into things and the other half getting out of them.
Alcohol: Sober 26 years
Nicotine: Sober 24 years
Sex (voyeurism): Sober 20 years

I'm not religious either, but am spiritual and immersed myself into the 12 step programs of A.A. S.A. and S.L.A.A. point being they saved my ass!

My life today is fairly manageable (haven't found dumbass anonymous yet)

A.A. met some celebrities along the way...didn't drink anymore also.

S.A. my first meeting I was the most sober nicotine person in the room cause I had quit smoking 5 years prior. It was funny as hell! :snicker:

S.L.A.A. (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) went there for my compulsive need to watch Boston University Coeds get laid from my four story rooftop with binoculars. Haven't owned binoculars yet to date. Got plenty-o-action after some of them meetin's though with female members.erfectplan:

Don't know what your addiction of choice is, but believe me there is a 12 step program for what ever it is.

Your reaching out here is really one of the first steps to recovery (Akiba..the first step to a new life..go figure), what I mean is you have started doing the first of these simplified steps to recovery:

* admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion;
* recognizing a greater power that can give strength;
* examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
* making amends for these errors;
* learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
* helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.

Do some searches on the internet and find a meeting closest to you then go.

I realize coming here and asking for this is like bringing a pork chop to a dog pound and be surprised to being mauled by the dogs

"When I was young I was so lonely my mom used to tie a pork chop around my neck just so the dog would play with me".

Recovery is a day at a time...

 

[supercooled]

My addiction has to do with the content subject of this site. It started out innocently enough; I mean, who hasn't tried to steal a look through a Playboy at the store or stolen their Father's? My problem is, it has created a fantasy so engrossing that I've all but stop pursuing real life girls and in the process has made me into a sociopath. I'm also catching myself looking at the opposite sex and losing my mind in the fantasy which at times has dire consequences as they catch you looking at them for longer than which is appropriate.

I'm fairly confident my addiction can be kicked if I stop looking at it all togther but that doesn't help me in my day to day life when I"m outside interacting with the public. On my previous attempts, I managed to go almost a complete week before I had to relieve myself. It's reached a level where I would classify as unhealthy. When you start buying Terabytes of hard drive so you can store them, it's no longer just a hobby, it's a cry for help.

 

[Rhinosaur]

Got plenty-o-action after some of them meetin's though with female members.erfectplan:

Isn't that called 13th stepping?!?

Take heed of the advice typed above.
Personally, I believe religion (organised) to be one of the most dangerous forces in human behaviour. But don't confuse religion with spirituality or even with morality.
Remember, you are not a bad person and certainly not nearly as bad as what your head may be telling you!

 

[Aqua2213]

Isn't that called 13th stepping?!?

Take heed of the advice typed above.
Personally, I believe religion (organised) to be one of the most dangerous forces in human behaviour. But don't confuse religion with spirituality or even with morality.
Remember, you are not a bad person and certainly not nearly as bad as what your head may be telling you!

Yes, and I passed with flying colors!:goodboy:

Ok, so the material here is making your life unmanageable. Instead of total abstaining have you tried moderation? Like set time limits for being here daily or weekly, download limits to the material.
If what you mean by "relieving" yourself mean fapping?
That seems pretty normal.
Don't get into "analysis paralysis" about yourself.
Try going to SLAA's website. I think they may have online meetings there. If not, they surely have schedules for some in your area. Go and listen and see if it might be for you.
I hope you find your inner peace. :sleeping2:

PS....ya might try the meetings over counseling first as they are very cheap (a buck or two or what you can give) unless you have kickass insurance.

 

[Ceewan]

My addiction has to do with the content subject of this site. It started out innocently enough; I mean, who hasn't tried to steal a look through a Playboy at the store or stolen their Father's? My problem is, it has created a fantasy so engrossing that I've all but stop pursuing real life girls and in the process has made me into a sociopath. I'm also catching myself looking at the opposite sex and losing my mind in the fantasy which at times has dire consequences as they catch you looking at them for longer than which is appropriate.

I'm fairly confident my addiction can be kicked if I stop looking at it all togther but that doesn't help me in my day to day life when I"m outside interacting with the public. On my previous attempts, I managed to go almost a complete week before I had to relieve myself. It's reached a level where I would classify as unhealthy. When you start buying Terabytes of hard drive so you can store them, it's no longer just a hobby, it's a cry for help.

I don't know...this doesn't exactly sound life threatening here. Sounds to me like you are just horny. No crime in being a horndog. It does sound like you are looking for another outlet than porn though. There are a number of threads here about guys trying to meet girls or at least along those same lines. Read them, get out there, find a girl as horny as you. Then the porn will take a backseat to the real thing. A girl doesn't have to look like a porn star to satisfy your needs nor do you have to look like a super hunk to satisfy hers, so there is nothing wrong with lowering your standards on occasions when looking for someone to get it on with. Once you find a girl you want to sustain a relationship with you will find you have less energy to spend on more trivial matters.

That is my take on it anyway.

 

[supercooled]

I don't know...this doesn't exactly sound life threatening here. Sounds to me like you are just horny. No crime in being a horndog. It does sound like you are looking for another outlet than porn though. There are a number of threads here about guys trying to meet girls or at least along those same lines. Read them, get out there, find a girl as horny as you. Then the porn will take a backseat to the real thing. A girl doesn't have to look like a porn star to satisfy your needs nor do you have to look like a super hunk to satisfy hers, so there is nothing wrong with lowering your standards on occasions when looking for someone to get it on with. Once you find a girl you want to sustain a relationship with you will find you have less energy to spend on more trivial matters.

That is my take on it anyway.

This is embarrassing to admit but I am completely inept at meeting new people. I'm no longer in school so I'm finding it hard to meet people. I don't go to bars or anything of that nature.

 

[Aqua2213]

Supercooled...you've been given all this great advise and ideas and all you do is offer back excuses.
If you go to the meetings you'll meet lots of new people which could lead to new girls in your life.
This site seems to be your poison so you probably should stay away.

My problem is, it has created a fantasy so engrossing that I've all but stop pursuing real life girls

So you have pursued real life girls prior to coming to Akiba. Well, I'm sure it will pick up again after staying away from here.
As for the learing/staring at girls/women...that will subside too.
Out of sight, out of mind.
I hope you use some of the suggestions and best of luck to you.

 

[scarletsnow]

This is embarrassing to admit but I am completely inept at meeting new people. I'm no longer in school so I'm finding it hard to meet people. I don't go to bars or anything of that nature.

If one practices playing the violin for 10,000 hours one can play it like a virtuoso.

So practice meeting new people, you might even be not nearly as inept as you think. Google some guides on approaching and talking to strangers and practice or stay home and watch porn for the rest of your life, which will likely become a bit tedious in the end.

 

[lowleg26]

Don't think ditching all your porn will all of a sudden fix everything. In fact, it may make you even more unhappy because you'll be without ANY form of release.

If its feasible, you'd probably be best off having a few sessions with a counselor or psychologist. They can talk you through some things that you can try (assuming they think you have a problem to begin with).

Personally, I don't think a 12 step would be of use to you. It doesn't sound like your life is spiraling out of control because of porn. I mean, has it cost you your job, a spouse, alienated your family, cost you friends? It may have cost you some coin for new hard drives, but, honestly, with all the HD porn coming out, its not as difficult to fill a terabyte drive as it used to be.

Since you have the presence of mind to look inward and take stock of the situation and also take the initiative to ask advice (even if it is from a porno board), I really doubt you're a sociopath. If you truly were, you wouldn't even consider the idea that what you do is questionable.

Of course, I'm not a licensed mental health practitioner, so any opinion I offer is just speculation.

Also consider that your situation is unique, since you are an individual with your own set of experiences, so a "cookie cutter" approach to addiction that you get from the internet may not better your situation at all. Again, I'd suggest talking to a professional (no, not that kind, the doctor type).

In terms of getting yourself out there and talking to people, I'd suggest starting really small. Initiate a meeting with a current friend. Go for a beer, movie, or anything, but be the one who initiates the meeting. You could even do this with a family member. The whole point is to get comfortable planning activities with others (which is pretty much all asking someone on a date is). If you already do this with close friends or family, try it with a work acquaintance or anyone you "just kinda" know. This might sound stupid, but it will help you get used to getting out of your "comfort zone".

I really hope the situation works out for you.

I also hope everything I said made sense, its pretty late where I am :dozingoff:

 

[Ceewan]

Actually a hooker might take some of the edge off, for a little extra she might even let you tape it,(hidden cams are expensive but another viable option here). Of course hookers can get expensive and I myself have only tried a few of them in my youth to satisfy my curiosity, but they just might be cheaper and more rewarding than outpatient therapy, LOL!

 

[Aqua2213]

Personally, I don't think a 12 step would be of use to you. It doesn't sound like your life is spiraling out of control because of porn. I mean, has it cost you your job, a spouse, alienated your family, cost you friends?

Lowleg26, It sounds like you've never been to a 12 step program for any amount of time or you would know that you don't have to hit "rock bottom" to seek help. You don't have to have all areas of your life destroyed before realizing ya need help.

Supercooled is in danger as he has stated he is basically staring at women in a not so normal fashion and that could lead to things like stalking or assault and possible jail time.

There's no better comfort or hope than to sit at a table and hear a person across from you share the same things that you are going through and that he/she has been able to abstain from their addiction a day at a time with the help of a higher power and fellowship.

Supercooled is in his uncomfort zone right now and needs any kind of help to get him in a warm an cozy comfort zone and a happy life be it a 12 step program or counseling or both. The good thing is he doesn't have to do it alone.

I don't know if seeking a prostitute would really make things better.
It be like trying to get out of a financial situation by going to the casino and playing craps. Maybe you'll win. Maybe you lose. There is a chance you could get busted or ripped off by unsavory folks. Your choice though.....

 

[Rhinosaur]

you don't have to hit "rock bottom" to seek help.

 

[lowleg26]

Lowleg26, It sounds like you've never been to a 12 step program for any amount of time or you would know that you don't have to hit "rock bottom" to seek help.

I'll concede that I've never utilized a 12 step program, but I'll also re-iterate that I, personally, would suggest other options. That's just my opinion. I'm not trying to put down the 12 step idea at all. I've known individuals who went through them and were happier as a result, so they can and do work.

However, judging from what supercooled has said here (and, again, this is just my opinion on the matter) I don't think porn is the cause of his problems. I think he's depressed and has anxiety issues and spending too much time with porn stems from these core issues. Yes, he can get help for the porn thing if that's what he decides, and, with sufficient will, he can change that behavior. But is that whats really going to make him happy? I still think he should take small steps towards becoming more social. Like Ceewan said, if you can get to the point where you have the real thing, porn will take a backseat.

Lets also keep another thing in mind here. Unless someone here knows supercooled in real life and has discussed his issues with him at length, we don't have adequate information to determine what is really going on and what course of action is truly needed. This thread is, at best, a brainstorming session on possible courses of action. I suggest a different course than aqua does, but I don't think my idea is better. Ceewan sounds like he has similar ideas, but may have a totally different reason for drawing those conclusions. My opinion is just my opinion based on my own interpretation of the situation. My interpretation may be wrong.

supercooled, I really do hope things work out for you. And I hope that any of us here have been able to give you an idea on how to approach your issue.

 

[scarletsnow]

Positive social interaction with females will do supercooled good. I suggest church shopping on sundays that way you will meet many new people.

 

[Aqua2213]

Positive social interaction with females will do supercooled good. I suggest church shopping on sundays that way you will meet many new people.

So, if I just walk past churches and look in the windows is that "church window shopping".:death:

 

[lowleg26]

Positive social interaction with females will do supercooled good. I suggest church shopping on sundays that way you will meet many new people.

If social interaction is lacking, I've found pretty much any venture that gets you outside the house helps. Volunteer work at a local church or community center can give you a real moral boost as well!

Not only are you helping others, you're forced to communicate with new people.

On top of that, filling soup bowls for the less fortunate can really put things in perspective.

 

[scarletsnow]

Aqua2213, you should not look in windows.