@birsha
for a long time i felt the way that you do about what i want from women. i don't care now. it's what i want and there are more women then you think just waiting for somebody to tap into that part of them that wants, no it's not a want it's a need, to serve. one thing i know is that women hate a self hating man. the type of women that we are talking about in particular. if they sense doubt in you it's over. then the crazy starts with them. the second they feel you care about them they no longer obey. they are drawn by you not caring, when you start to it's over and they can't deal with you. the thing is, they feel they can't be loved. if you do start to it fucks with they're sense of self. it may be why you lost that girl and she started pissing all over the place. like a child.
the little girl voice is not an act. it's not a game. it's that she was locked in a childlike state in her mind. this happens with people that were abused as kids. they never grow past that place they were at mentally. People like that are locked in the state they were in when the abuse happened. that's why i'm sure she acted like a kid as well as talked like one. it's fucked up but if you don't in some way recreate the abuse they don't feel safe anymore. especially if you do what you did and start to recreate it just by fucking around and then start to pull back. to her, i think it's like going back to that place in her mind that she found safe (i know that talking about the abuse as a safe place is fucked but that's how people like this feel about it sometimes. that the abuse was good and that real care and love is fake and bad. remember abuse is all they know and that abuse is tied to sex, so sex and abuse are one in the same in their mind.) then getting that safe place torn away. i had a woman tell me that when i was using her she felt all warm inside. like she was at peace and she knew her place and there was a sense of calm washing over her. that being in control scared her and being controlled put her at peace. this is the mindset you were dealing with and if you don't understand it, it's very hard to deal with.
the begging and thanking you for the abuse is real, that's not play. she really feels thankful that you are doing what a lot of people won't do. knowing that she is shit (or at least she feels she is) and treating her the way she feels she deserves to be treated. like a fuckktoy. if thats all you know from a young age you start to believe that it truly is your place. in a world that says that you can't think about women in that way it's rare to find a true sadist. i'm sure that if you remember her eyes when she said thank you for the abuse you saw something there. something you see in some gokkun girls, something that you can never forget. something that you have been looking for ever since. the eyes are the portal to the soul and they don't lie. they can't lie.
speaking of eyes, what i was trying to get across with my comment about the eyes of the best gokkun girls looking "empty and lifeless" and "full of lust and pain" is not that they look as you say "dead". no, no, much the opposite. they, to me at least, seem alive with fire. it's a look that we call in the bdsm community "sub space". it's the place that submissives go in their head when it's really getting good (or bad depending on how you look it it) to them. it's a trance like state they go into to shield themselves from the pain and humiliation of whats happening. it's, from what submissives tell me the peak of any bdsm play. it can last only a few moments or can go on for hours on end. during that time they are not really thinking about anything. they go inward to a place that i know of not. but they will do just about anything in that state and it feels from the outside that they are hypnotized. it's a state of pure emptiness. they go away for a time to god knows where and it's the best shit EVER!! it's like they become beings of pure id and no ego. it's scary as shit the first time you see it in person but when you understand that what is happening is that this person has just given you full and almost total control and are in a true trance state and open to ANYTHING and i mean ANYTHING it's the most empowering feeling in the world. because for that bit of time, you own them. in a real way .when the trance state starts, one of the ways you know it's started is that look in the eyes.
it's to the point that when i watch gokkun i don't look at the body's of the girls. the only place i'm looking is the eyes. i didn't know that Mika Osawa or Shizuka Kanno had cut marks on their arms. i'm not looking at their arms, although i will now. i'm looking into their eyes and of course they're mouth's and face's and that's all. i think it's something all of you should try. the next time you watch gokkun look into the eyes of the girls. gaze there, let it hold your focus and think about what it is that you see there. gokkun is good for this as it gives you long uncut shots of the full face. don't look at their mouth, you know whats happening there, just look into their eyes and you can see into the soul of that woman. it's hard to lie with your eyes. if you do that (i know some of you do already but this is for those of you that don't.) then you will see what i mean.
i know this is a long read but i have thought a lot about this kinda thing. if anyone thinks differently about this then i would love to hear your opinion about the topic, and if you think i'm full of shit then tell me why. i love free and open debate.
