Sex jokes

[blackjoker39]

A renowed female scientist successfully trained a super-intelligent monkey.
This monkey can do household chores, cook, and even buy stuff.
But too bad it doesn't understand english.
So when she wants the monkey to buy something,
she has to show the monkey a sample or something quite similar ,
so that it understands what to buy.

One day, she wanted to buy clams, but there weren't any clams around to show the monkey.
So she called her 9 year old daughter, removed her skirt and panties,
and showed the monkey her daughter's little pussy.
The monkey then understood what to buy and bought back some clams.

The next day, she wanted to buy clams again, but there weren't any clams to show the monkey.
She wanted to call her daughter again but she was at school.
So she removed her own panties and showed the monkey her vagina.
The monkey then went off to the store, but this time it bought back a broom.

 

[barba]

three men were drinking at a bar one afternoon. the first man was obviously angry about something… frowning, gripping his glass tightly, barely able to contain himself. the second man was quite self-possessed… peacefully minding his own business and staring ahead in silence. the third man was positively giddy… grinning like an idiot and occasionally toasting imaginary beings with his drink in the air. the first man can’t stand it any longer. he slams down his glass and shouts, “my goddam wife… she only lets me fuck her once a week!” the second man considers this a moment and responds, “you think that’s bad? my wife only lets me fuck her once a month.” the third man starts giggling and only with difficulty does he control himself long enough to say, “my… m-m-m-my wife only lets me f-f-fuck her once a y-year”. the others look at each other in astonishment. the first man says, “once a year? that’s awful. so what are you so happy about?” the third man replies, “because… tonight’s the night!!”