pls do post quotes that you find on the internet funny,inspirational,deep or just random 
i'll start hope you enjoy them or at least you laugh xD
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink
Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off
You know what 'SOBER' stands for ? It stands for 'Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold
I've never been into wine. I'm a beer man. What I like about beer is you basically just drink it and order more. You don't sniff at it, or hold it up to the light and slosh it around, or drone on and on about it, the way people do with wine. Your beer drinker tend to be a straightforward, decent, friendly, down-to-earth person, whereas your serious wine fancier tends to be an insufferable snot.
I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
Ale it is called among men, and among gods, beer.
There are two reasons for drinking:
One is, when you are thirsty, to cure it;
The other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When you believe in an imaginary figure that only you can see or hear, it's called a psychological problem. If you believe in an imaginary figure that even you can't see or hear, it's a religion
For the first time in history, two zombie movies are at the movie theaters at the same time: Dawn of the dead and Passion of the christ
Evolution is a 'theory', just like gravity. If you don't like it, go jump off a bridge.
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
Sure, the lion is king of the jungle, but airdrop him into Antarctica, and he's just a penguin's bitch.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself
I always get narcolepsy and necrophilia mixed up — which is the one where I fall asleep in the middle of banging a corpse?
Perverts aren't the leading cause of pedophilia, it's sexy children
I hate people who let their kids run around naked on the beach... It's hard to hide an erection in swimming trunks.
I'm specifying in my will that my body be donated to the local necrophiliac's club. At this point, I figure it's my best shot at ever getting laid again
When you think about it, there is really a fine line between being a proctologist and just being a perverted ass-freak. And according to the judge who sentenced me, that line is called a 'medical degree'.
I can't watch Brokeback Mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies. I would scream 'HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!' in the middle of the theater
I was pretty dumb about computers. Then I learned you could get porn on them. 3 years later I'm a system administrator.
The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts 'OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING'.
I masturbate cause my hand doesn't give me any backtalk. I'm like 'Get down there bitch'. And its all '!! k'. And afterwards it cleans itself off and doesn't say a thing.
—I sometimes make a little puppet with my hand, and make it talk before i masturbate with it, saying things like 'no, please... i'm a virgin!' and stuff like that. You know, resisting a bit. I like foreplay when i masturbate.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite
When I was in the fifth grade I was taught sex-ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian. Either way, there's been very limited experience handling meat
dont worry i wont post alot
oh yeah if its in wrong section my bad did not mean to put it here then
i'll start hope you enjoy them or at least you laugh xD
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink
Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off
You know what 'SOBER' stands for ? It stands for 'Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold
I've never been into wine. I'm a beer man. What I like about beer is you basically just drink it and order more. You don't sniff at it, or hold it up to the light and slosh it around, or drone on and on about it, the way people do with wine. Your beer drinker tend to be a straightforward, decent, friendly, down-to-earth person, whereas your serious wine fancier tends to be an insufferable snot.
I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
Ale it is called among men, and among gods, beer.
There are two reasons for drinking:
One is, when you are thirsty, to cure it;
The other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When you believe in an imaginary figure that only you can see or hear, it's called a psychological problem. If you believe in an imaginary figure that even you can't see or hear, it's a religion
For the first time in history, two zombie movies are at the movie theaters at the same time: Dawn of the dead and Passion of the christ
Evolution is a 'theory', just like gravity. If you don't like it, go jump off a bridge.
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
Sure, the lion is king of the jungle, but airdrop him into Antarctica, and he's just a penguin's bitch.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself
I always get narcolepsy and necrophilia mixed up — which is the one where I fall asleep in the middle of banging a corpse?
Perverts aren't the leading cause of pedophilia, it's sexy children
I hate people who let their kids run around naked on the beach... It's hard to hide an erection in swimming trunks.
I'm specifying in my will that my body be donated to the local necrophiliac's club. At this point, I figure it's my best shot at ever getting laid again
When you think about it, there is really a fine line between being a proctologist and just being a perverted ass-freak. And according to the judge who sentenced me, that line is called a 'medical degree'.
I can't watch Brokeback Mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies. I would scream 'HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!' in the middle of the theater
I was pretty dumb about computers. Then I learned you could get porn on them. 3 years later I'm a system administrator.
The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts 'OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING'.
I masturbate cause my hand doesn't give me any backtalk. I'm like 'Get down there bitch'. And its all '!! k'. And afterwards it cleans itself off and doesn't say a thing.
—I sometimes make a little puppet with my hand, and make it talk before i masturbate with it, saying things like 'no, please... i'm a virgin!' and stuff like that. You know, resisting a bit. I like foreplay when i masturbate.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite
When I was in the fifth grade I was taught sex-ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian. Either way, there's been very limited experience handling meat
dont worry i wont post alot
oh yeah if its in wrong section my bad did not mean to put it here then